I’m realizing that learned behaviors and consequences have shaped my emotional response to many things. Today I sit with two realities. I never developed healthy coping mechanisms for my fear based anger. Anger was always wrong and so i put it away and learned to manage it in unhealthy ways -> the primary driver behind my addiction. Learning new ways to express anger that aren’t self-destructive or harmful to others is a hill I’m starting to climb.
The other is empathy. If you know me well, you know I’ve always struggled with empathy. Not so much the feeling but the expression. Learning to empathize with another’s pain and not comparing it to my own has always been a struggle. I have spent the last few days just trying to appreciate and understand the pain I have caused to people I love. To understand their side of what occurred without my own prejudice and opinion. It’s difficult, I have a lot of growth to do in this department, but to try and acknowledge and see someone else’s pain through their lens instead of my own has been a gift.
No essays today. It’s a therapy intensive day and i’m gonna go find some quiet in the woods later. Thought I’d leave with you with an image of a place that will always represent peace and calm to me, regardless of the noise around..Thanks for checking in.
JMH
