“We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.”
S. Kelley Harrell
I have written or spoken a lot in the last 7 weeks or so about knowing I needed help, recognizing I wasn’t ok and not knowing how or where or who to say it to. I was eating myself alive, suffering and hurting myself and others because I didn’t or couldn’t say yes when people asked me if I needed something. As I examine my own experience one thing has become evident, it takes a tremendous amount of courage to ask for help. The fear of rejection, ridicule and embarrassment is real. Admitting you aren’t ok, can overwhelm you with shame and guilt. The fear that the person you ask, will somehow judge you or say no is terrifying.
Last week I learned something. I had a few people approach me and ask for help, and it was in that moment I realized how much of an impact you make just be being receptive, to extending that hand and offering an honest ear. I had to be frank, I have little bandwidth to help others right now, I’m too deep in my own shit to start giving my time away, but I did have time to listen, to offer some perspective from my lens, and to point people in directions where they can find the help they need.
It also made me realize just how important community is in the healing process. I have spoken before about being cast out of the community I was in and the pain and hurt it caused. And I see now the void and gap in my own healing process, not being able to talk about and work through my own transgressions and breakdown with the people I harmed has caused me great pain. Being excluded from a group of people I consider family is exceptionally difficult to experience. And then reconnecting with my winter dog community, even if only for a few days made me realize how harmful isolation has been.
So, if you know you are struggling, if you know you need to make a change, don’t feel like you need to know anymore than that. Tell someone you love that you need help, that you are afraid, they may not have the answers you need, but it’s incredibly powerful to have an arm to steady you while you find it.
